Club Heat

Club Heat was definitely my favorite night out of the bars I went to in the Iowa area. Club Heat is on the border of Iowa and Illinois. To be exact it's located in Gulf Port, Illinois which has 2 bars and 3 strip clubs, not even a McDonalds. So to say the least this was going to be an interesting night. We get to the bar and the group I came with were the only people in the entire place. It was only 10 PM but still. This was also not like any club I've ever been to because when I think of clubs I think of Swanky or kind of upscale. Club Heat reminded me of Road House with Patrick Swazy. Hell 2 months ago a guy got shot in the parking lot. No joke, so you could say we were a little nervous about the night. The owner was really cool.. Oh yeah the owner's name Don Johnson, I thought we were definitely going to some Miami type bar with a name like that. Hell if I had that name I'd go with it, wearing blue sports jackets and dying my hair blonde but he didn't do that at all. I thought he was the coolest guy in the club because he had a mullet. Oh yes it was a cool looking one though. Like the one's that you'd think he just has long hair. But Matt and I both agreed that it was a mullet. I met his wife and daughter who were really nice and it seemed like they had a great family, which I loved seeing.

Don took us over to a strip club which was connected to the bar. Oh did I forget to mention that. I thought that was the coolest thing ever. A bar attached to a strip club but two separate places. Get drunk at the bar and walk two steps to the strip club. Don introduced me to the strippers and the thing I liked about these girls were they called themselves strippers not exotic dancers or something more than what it really was. There were a couple pretty girls and some that could dance but one stood out most in my mind. Her name was Lucky and she was about 180 lbs. And she was dressed like she was 100 lbs. So it made for an interesting show. I couldn't believe my eyes when she was up on stage working her body like she was the sexiest girl there. Her fat jiggled up and down like water in a balloon. Talk about a girl with a lot of confidence. I wish girls that are beautiful would have confidence like that. I guess every strip club needs a big girl to satisfy those guys that like a lot of cushion for the pushin. :) Being the nice guys we were, we invited all the strippers to come over when they were done.

We get back to the bar/ club and it was starting to pick up. Don warned us that it doesn't really start going until 2AM. Which in LA most bars are already closed but I almost forgot we were in Illinois where bars are open till 4AM. While at the bar one of the strippers told me that Don could bang a mag light flash light over his hand and it doesn't faze him. I said there was no way. Well Don came over and whaled the butt of the flash light over his hand and smiled. I couldn't believe my eyes. Then without thinking he slammed his elbow to the bar and laughed again. This was definitely not the guy to mess with in the bar. Along came a bachelorrete party and she had lifesavers attached to her shirt and on her shirt it said suck for a buck. I thought this was a really cool idea, but I don't think I'd want my future wife wearing that. I also wouldn't want my future wife to see my bachelor party either. :) Those girls were fun and bought me way too many shots. Then all of a sudden it became popular to buy Mike a shot. I had a love/ hate relationship with this idea because I had to make it all night but after 15 shots one starts to get a little annihilated. Luckily I have a high tolerance. My favorite part is when girl challenge me to go drink for drink because they always end up huddled right by the toilet. This one girl challenged me and I must say this girl was a pro. She was drinking me under the table and not letting up. I think I still had more than her just because other peps were buying me drinks as well but she was still a champ. I don't know for sure if she threw up but she seemed okay by the end of the night. The DJ's were playing some hard core rap music the entire night. Usually I'd hear Justin or Britney in a club but not this one. They had NWA type stuff which was kind of weird because the owner didn't look like he'd enjoy that type of music. I had a blast with it though because I like new things and this was definitely new. The one DJ had some rotting teeth. I mean they were brown and falling out and the dude was in his 20's. It finally got packed around 2AM and the rest of the night there was fun as hell.

The night ends and a bunch of peps go back to the hotel. I was hungry so a stripper took me to Hardee's. We get there and most people know that Hardee's is the same thing as Carl's Jr. so I wanted a 6 dollar burger. They inform me that it's 5AM and they're serving breakfast now. I was pissed I went off on them. I was like you have 6 dollar burgers in there just make one for me. I don't care I'll wait. They told me that they were called Thickburgers there so I was furious. I ended up getting 2 breakfast burgers. Then we the girl was like I have to take my dog out. I was like bring it with us back to the hotel. Now what kind of dog fits with a stripper? Would you think pit bull? So she gets her pit bull and we go back to the hotel. How that dog got into the hotel is beyond me but it did. It was fun as hell too. Talk about a strong dog. I got tired so I went to bed while the other room continued. I heard a bunch of commotion over there but I was too tired to get up and check it out. I woke up the next morning and found out that Matt kicked one of the strippers out of the room. The stripper started hitting him with her purse and he tried to get her to stop. He ended up calling the cops on the girl. Yeah I was thinking "What the fu@k" too. I didn't understand it because when I went to my room he was giving her a back massage and she was topless. How did it go from that to calling the police? I guess this girl was talking hella smack about her friend who was in another room about how the girl needs to have more respect for herself. Matt isn't one to hold back and I guess he said Aren't you a stripper? She took offense and all of a sudden the police are called. We made fun of him all the way to the airport. Talk about funny stuff. That was definitely my most memorable appearances ever. We came up with different words to remember it: Roadhouse, Don Johnson, Mullet, Lucky, Mag light, pit bull, police= memorable night. Thank you to Club Heat for having me I had so much fun. Thanks to Matt with Special Interest Entertainment for the gigs.